The Weight of Wanting Everyone's Approval

I came from a different country. I wasn't born in the United States, I moved to New York when I was eight years old with my sister. Since she was older than me, she may have understood people and the world around her better. I, on the other hand, was a very naive little girl who constantly sought approval from the people I loved.

Growing up in my family wasn't always bad. There were many happy memories. I remember joining a summer band, having family gatherings/parties, visiting museums with my dad and sister, going to the movies, and simply enjoying life as a child and spending each holiday with my family. Those moments are memories I still cherish today.

At the same time, growing up wasn't always easy either.

I was a very insecure and quiet little girl who often tried to make other people happy because I wanted them to like me, love me, and pay attention to me. Looking back now, I realize how much of my self-worth depended on the approval of others.

One of the biggest examples of this was my relationship with my father. When I was younger, I always wanted to spend time with him. I wanted him to take me places, do fun activities with me, and be involved in my life. But more often than not, there was always a reason why he couldn't. There was always an excuse, another promise that wasn't kept, another disappointment waiting around the corner.

Despite that, I kept giving him second chances, third chances, and countless chances after that. Every time I believed things would be different. Every time I hoped he would finally show up for me. And every time I found myself disappointed all over again.

I would try so hard to convince him to do things with me. I wanted him to put me in acting classes or help me join activities where I could make friends and discover things I enjoyed. Looking back, I think I was searching for more than just activities—I was searching for his attention, his support, and his approval.

I also feel like I was sheltered in many ways. Because of that, being outgoing and putting myself out there didn't come naturally to me. I became afraid of being judged, afraid of making mistakes, and afraid of not being accepted.

Over time, I created a version of myself that I thought other people would like. Deep down, I was scared to be my authentic self, so I put on a facade. I wanted people to think I had everything together. I wanted friends and family members to approve of me. I wanted reassurance that I was doing the right things and making the right choices.

As I got older, however, I started realizing that constantly seeking validation only led to more disappointment. Not everyone will support your decisions. Not everyone will understand your dreams. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot make everyone happy.

Unfortunately, those experiences also left me afraid to trust myself.

Even today, when I have an idea or want to try something new, my first instinct isn't to do it. My first instinct is to ask questions like, "Should I do this?" "Will this look good on me?" "What if I fail?" "Will people approve?" Instead of trusting my own judgment, I often look to others for answers.

I have come to realize that this is where a lot of my overthinking comes from.

It stems from years of seeking approval, years of fearing disappointment, and years of believing that other people knew what was best for me. Somewhere along the way, I stopped trusting my own voice.

Now, one of the biggest lessons I am trying to learn is that not every decision needs approval from others. Sometimes I need to trust myself, listen to my heart, and take a chance, even if it doesn't work out exactly the way I planned.

Because at the end of the day, this is my life.

And if I spend all of it waiting for permission, I may never become the person I am meant to be. There was also a time in my life when I seriously considered moving away and getting a place of my own. For some people, moving out is simply about independence, but for me, it was deeper than that.

At the time, I felt like I was carrying the weight of everyone else's frustrations. It seemed like no matter what happened, I was somehow being blamed or made to feel responsible. Whether that was the intention or not, that was how I experienced it. The constant negativity began to wear me down emotionally, and I found myself feeling drained, anxious, and unhappy.

For a long time, I stayed quiet about how much it was affecting me because I didn't want to upset anyone. I wanted to keep the peace. I wanted everyone to be happy. But the more I ignored my own feelings, the heavier everything became.

When I started thinking about moving away, it wasn't because I didn't love my family or care about them. It wasn't because I wanted to abandon anyone. It was because I felt like I needed space to breathe. I needed an environment where I could focus on my own growth, my own happiness, and my own mental well-being.

What made the situation difficult was that my decision created tension with someone close to me. Instead of feeling supported, I felt misunderstood. Once again, I found myself questioning whether my feelings were valid and whether I was wrong for wanting something different for myself.

Looking back now, I realize that one of the hardest things for people who seek validation is choosing themselves. When you've spent years putting other people's feelings first, doing what is best for yourself can feel selfish, even when it isn't. Sometimes choosing yourself means disappointing someone else. Sometimes it means making a decision they don't understand. And sometimes it means accepting that not everyone will agree with the path you choose.

That experience taught me something important: protecting your peace is not selfish. Wanting a healthier environment is not selfish. Wanting to feel heard, respected, and emotionally safe is not selfish. We all deserve the opportunity to create a life where we can grow instead of constantly feeling weighed down by negativity.

Now, don't get me wrong, these experiences happened for a reason. They helped shape the person I am today and showed me just how far I have come. As, I've gotten older, I am no longer that naive, quiet little girl who constantly seeks approval from others, including family members. I have found my voice. And although not all of my experiences were positive, they taught me valuable lessons about who I am and who I want to become. I have learned to listen to both my heart and my mind. Instead of constantly looking to others for permission, I have started trusting myself more. I no longer feel the need to seek approval for every decision I make. At the end of the day, I am the one who has to live with the choices I make, so my opinion of myself matters too.

I have learned a lot about myself over the years, and I know there is still so much more to learn. Some lessons will come through success, while others will come through mistakes. And that's okay. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes, take wrong turns, and experience setbacks. What matters is that we learn from them and keep moving forward.

Life is a continuous journey of growth, and I am still growing every day. I am still discovering what works for me, what doesn't, what I value, and what kind of life I want to create for myself.

If you feel like you haven't found your voice yet, take a moment to pause and reflect on your life. Think about where you started and where you are today. Think about the challenges you've overcome, the obstacles you've faced, and the strength it took to keep going.

You are still here.

You survived things you once thought would break you. You have accomplished things that once felt impossible. And the life you have today didn't happen by accident—it happened because you kept showing up, even when things were difficult.

Give yourself more credit.

Your voice is there. Sometimes it just gets buried beneath fear, self-doubt, and the opinions of other people. But the more you trust yourself, the louder that voice becomes.

And one day, you'll realize that everything you were searching for in other people was already within you all along.